A brief public service announcement regarding bathroom safety.

    If you happen to live in an older house, as I do . . .

    And if your home has doors that tend to stick in the winter, as mine does . . .

    And if you like to take showers so hot that you use all the hot water and leave the room so steamed up that you can barely see a foot in front of your face . . .

    You might want to leave the bathroom door open when you shower in the winter, and just close the bedroom door instead.

    . . . because the heat and/or moisture from the boiling hot shower, when combined with a somewhat warped door and/or door frame, might lead to the potentially awkward situation of you becoming trapped in your bathroom, unable to open the door at all.  In fact you might end up spending several minutes trying repeatedly to yank the bathroom door open, followed by several more minutes of trying to slowly wiggle the door open.  And if you happen to be the only one home at the time, you might be faced with the question of whether you should call your spouse at work to come rescue you (if you are lucky enough that your cell phone is in the pocket of the pants you took off just before you got into the shower rather than being out in another room) or whether it would be better to just stay locked in the bathroom until the door finally shrinks enough for you to get it open.

    Of course if you panic enough at the thought of having to do either of those things, and you yank on the door even more violently while pulling backward with all your might, it might eventually fly open.  Of course when it does you should be very careful so that you don't fly back across the room and fall into the tub. 

     (ouch!)

    If all of that did somehow happen to you, and you decided to mention it to your spouse, they might respond by saying that you just have to pull down on the doorknob while pulling on the door in order to open the door after it has become stuck.  And in fact they might seem amused by the whole thing, which might just upset you a little bit which might cause you to start yelling and flailing your arms and threatening to saw the top of the door off and beat them with it.

    But I don't recommend that, because you might feel a little bit silly afterward.  Of course I don't necessarily speak from experience here or anything.  And if I did I wouldn't admit it.  But still, you might want to watch out for those doors that tend to stick.  I know I will from now on.

 

Avatar (mild spoilers)

    After all the hype that "Avatar" received before it even opened, I wasn't sure I really wanted to see it.  Movies that get hyped that much before their release always remind me of "The Fifth Element".  Remember all the ads for that one?  It was described as "Star Wars for a new generation", and it most certainly didn't live up to the hype.  It wasn't a bad movie, in fact I watch it when it comes on television.  But comparing it to "Star Wars" was a horrible move - there was no way on earth it was going to have the impact that "Star Wars" did and building up people's expectations of it that way could only lead to a bunch of disappointed people.  And of course it did just that.  Maybe the ads were intended to be tongue-in-cheek - the movie was sort of cheesy and campy, and an ad campaign that poked fun at that could have been a great idea.  But if that was what they were going for, they failed miserably.  As a result, "Fifth Element" was judged much more harshly than it might otherwise have been.

    The buildup for "Avatar" was strikingly similar, in some ways.  No, I never heard it compared to "Star Wars" but in every other way they raised the expectations for the film sky high.  My expectations for the film weren't terribly high, and though I knew I would end up watching it at some point I wasn't rushing to the theater to see it.

    After it opened and people I know started seeing it I was surprised by their reviews.  They all loved it.  Some of them went to see it over and over again.  I decided at that point that we would go see it while it was still in theaters, but I still wasn't in any hurry.  The Kidd really wanted to see it, but we had other things going on and didn't make time for it.   We had so many holiday plans, there just wasn't time to fit "Avatar" in.

   We finally made time for it while we were in Orlando for our New Years trip.  We ended up going with Mr and Mrs O to the theater at Pointe Orlando.  By the time the previews ended I decided that the previews alone had almost been worth the price of admission - "Iron Man 2", "Clash of the Titans", "Alice in Wonderland" . . . they all look like must-sees!  But then "Avatar" started and despite how prepared I had been to dislike it, I was sucked in almost immediately.  I know it's a long movie, but it really didn't seem long at all.  Sure, there were a few scenes that could have been shorter, and it did drag in a few spots.  The storyline was predictable - only one thing toward the end really surprised me.  (And even then, then thing I had expected to happen did happen, just not at the spot I thought it would.)  But even with all that, the movie was amazing.  It was gorgeous and engaging.  The 3D effects were well done and were well integrated into the film.

    As the credits rolled the five of us sat and watched them, and then we gathered our things to leave.  Mrs O mentioned that "Avatar" could end up being "Star Wars" for The Kidd's generation and it was the first time I have ever heard a film compared to "Star Wars" without finding the comparison ridiculous.  She was right - it could conceivably be groundbreaking enough that people of The Kidd's generation will look back on it the way many of us look back on "Star Wars".  Mr O did mention that it was basically "Pocahontas", and he had a point.  There were some striking similarities, but we all agreed it was a fun movie and the effects and visuals more than made up for any weaknesses in the storyline.

    I'll certainly be watching it again, and it will be a must buy for us when it comes out on Blu-ray.

    I was catching up on Failblog the other day and was surprised to find something that reminded me of Mr O.  Apparently someone else made the same observation he did, and though I loved the movie I still found it hilarious.  Don't read it if you haven't seen the movie yet! 

see more Epic Fails

I told you so!

    Well, maybe I didn't tell you.  But I did tell somebody.

    So.  I am not the biggest football fan out there, but I do love the Mississippi State Bulldogs . . .

     (I initially typed that as Bullgods, but I promise I don't worship them that much.)

    . . . and I like the Tennessee Tech Golden Eagles,  the Tennessee Titans and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  I hate Ole Miss, as any good Dawg fan should.  And (I'm sorry, Caradorn) I don't particularly like the University of Tennessee Volunteers.  I do try to be supportive, since they are Caradorn's team.  Though I haven't ever really liked them, I have not particularly disliked them.  I didn't really care much one way or the other about Phil Fulmer.  I didn't care about Lane Kiffin, either, until the day he introduced the new batch of recruits last year.

    It was terrible.  He was such a jerk - he went on and on about how the team deserved better than those players, he said they weren't the caliber of player that UT was used to and that next year the recruits would be better.  I felt so bad for those boys.  They were so excited to be announced as Vols and there they sat while he bashed them in front of the world.  It must have been so embarrassing for them.  Caradorn says that often coaches will belittle their players in an effort to get them to prove how good they are.  I get that, I really do.  I've done that sort of thing before too.  But not like that - not in such a public venue, on a day that was supposed to be such a proud occasion for those players.  I had no respect for Kiffin after that.

    This year, for the first time since I married into a family of UT fanatics, I didn't even pretend to support the team.  I openly rooted against them for every game.  I wanted them to have a horrible year because I wanted Kiffin fired.  My inlaws did not like that one bit.  They defended him; they talked about what a good coach he was, and how great he was going to be for UT.  They laughed when I said I wanted him to be a one year coach - they said he would be a fixture at UT for years to come and that they were sooooo lucky to have him.  When the season ended with the team having done fairly well, they gloated.  Kiffin was there to stay, they said.  Every new season would be better than the one before, and it was all thanks to Kiffin.

    Heh.

    I was at my inlaws house the night the announcement came out.  Kiffin was leaving the University of Tennessee for USC.  And I was so pleased.  I didn't gloat, I didn't say I told you so.  I didn't say much of anything.  I just sat there watching television with them as they switched from one channel to another, trying to be sure it was really true.  They seemed so shocked.   Once they realised he was really leaving,  it was hilarious to hear them talk about him.  "Well, he was never one of us."  "UT Orange. . .

(which, might I add, is a really sickly creamsicle color and not a "real" orange, but for heaven's sake don't ever mention that to Caradorn's family, it offends them for some reason)

. . . never looked right on him."  "UT will be better off without him." "I never liked him, anyway."

    Seriously, Inlaws?  Are you sure about that?  Are you absolutely positive you are remembering this season correctly?

    Really, truly?  Because I think that's what I was saying the whole season!  I said he was awful, I said he should leave, I said that he didn't belong.  I TOLD YOU  SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I said it eleventy million times over the course of the season and you people told me I was wrong!  And now you want to claim you thought that the whole time, too?!  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    You were wrong, and I was right, and whether you want to admit it or not you and I both know it's true!  SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thththtppppppppt!   (Yes, that's me sticking my tongue out at them.  Yes, I am very mature.)

    Ahem.

    I'm sorry about that.  I really am.

    It's just that they will be visiting this weekend, the whole lot of them.  And I want to keep the peace.  I don't want to goad them into an argument.  I don't want to jump up and down and say "I told you so" over and over again.  Well, okay, I do want to.  But I think it would be a bad idea so I am attempting to get it out of my system now before they get here.

    I'm not sure it's working, though.  I think I might just be getting myself even more worked up about it.  I'll try not to bring the subject up, but if they do I don't think I will be able to keep my mouth shut about it.  This could turn out to be an interesting weekend.

  

Public Displays of . . . something.

    I've always said that I am not a fan of public diplays of affection.  And I really thought that I wasn't, but I've realized recently that I actually quite like public displays of affection.  I think they are cute.  It's public displays of other things that I dislike.

    After being around other couples quite a bit recently, I've noticed that Caradorn and I tend to be more affectionate in public than most people we know.  That surprised me, since I was so convinced that I was very anti-PDA.  But we hold hands when we are together, and I often lean my head on his shoulder when we are sitting together.  Sometimes he even puts his arm around me.  (Gasp!)  It doesn't bother me when I see other couples acting like that; in fact I find it adorable.  These sorts of displays really aren't even limited to couples.  I have friends (both guys and girls) who I hug when I see them, or friends I put my arm around or punch on the shoulder.  And those are also displays of affection, from me at least, because if I don't feel some affection for you I'm going to do my best not to touch you at all if I can avoid it. 

    But then there are those other displays, the ones that I dislike so intensely.  And I've discovered that those aren't really public displays of affection.  They are public displays of other things.  There are a couple of different types that I've been seeing quite often lately, and I really really dislike them. 

    The first is a public display of. . . attraction?  Lust?  Exhibitionism?  I don't know exactly what motivates it, but it's easy to recognize.  I think a quick peck on the cheek or forehead is sweet.  Open mouthed kissing or groping?  Not so much.  That sort of behavior that ellicits cries of "Get a room" is not affectionate.   Yes, I get that you find each other attractive, and that's great for you.  Really, it is.  But I don't want to see that sort of thing, and if I did there are plenty of videos I could watch to get my fix. Plus, they feature people who are much more attractive. (And trust me, there's a reason I am not buying those videos - I DON"T WANT TO SEE IT!)  I don't want to see you licking each other's faces (Yes.  I've really seen that, and it was as revolting as you might imagine.)  I don't want to see you grabbing each other's butts.  I don't care if you are exhibitionists or if you are just so wrapped up in each other that you forget the rest of the world is out there.  I don't want to be a voyeur; I don't like it!  Just get a room. 

   Fortunately I actually don't know any couples who act like this.  I do seem to encounter couples like that quite often, though.  And I have to think they are doing it on purpose.  Kissing in a dark corner of a bar is one thing, but I keep running into these couples who are groping each other in the lines at Disney World or at a playground filled with children.  Honestly, if you are so close to other people that they can hear the smacky, slurpy noises you are making while kissing then you are waaaaay to close to be behaving that way!  It's nauseating.  If you are such exhibitionists that you can only enjoy the physical side of your relationship when you have an audience, there are places that encourage that sort of thing.  The city street, the grocery store, theme parks, city parks. . . those are not the kind of places where you should be putting on your own adult show.

   The other type is that one that really drives me insane.  It's a public display of. . . possessiveness? Ownership?  This may seem a little bit hypocritcal since I think this sort of display is rooted in jealousy, and I admit that I can be a jealous person.  I don't use PDA to "stake my claim", though, which many people seem to do.  I dated a guy in college, Nate, who did that.  He was very opposed to public displays of affection.  He wouldn't hold my hand, would rarely dance with me, didn't even want to tell people we were dating.  It was like I was his dirty little secret most of the time.  Unless we were around someone that I had dated or who Nate thought might be interested in me.  Then suddenly he was like an octopus - he couldn't keep his tentacles ("Ohhhh. Tentacles. N-T. Big difference!") off of me.  He would throw his arm around me or cling to my hand like a vice.  It was bizarre - like a weird cross between a little kid clinging to his mother's leg and yanking on her sleeve as she tries to talk to someone ("Mom! Mom! Mom! Hey Mom!") and a dog lifting his leg against a tree ("My tree. Mine.  All mine. SQUIRREL! My tree. Mine.")  I hated it, and after that relationship ended I swore I'd never be in a relationship like that again. 

    I know a guy now whose wife is like that, and it baffles me when I see them together.  Why does he put up with that?  Does he like it because it makes him feel wanted?  Does he tolerate it because they are married and he doesn't have a choice?  It seems so desperate and insecure.  Seriously, hanging from him isn't going to keep poachers away, it's just going to make you look like you don't trust him.  It sort of makes me sad, honestly.  I like it when the people I like are in happy relationships, and seeing this weird sort of clingy possessiveness always makes me assume that the relationship isn't very strong.  I really don't think that's the sort of message that the clingy people are trying to send - it seems pretty counter-productive.  "Look how close we are.  We're inseparable.  Really.  See?  He can't get away from me.  So give up.  Stop looking at him.  He's mine. All mine.  Really.  Right, Honey?  Honey?  Stop looking at her.  Look at me.  Me!  Memememememe."  Sorry, but clinging to your significant other like a vine any time you feel like someone is interested in him is not a display of affection.  It's a display of immaturity.  He's with you, presumably because he wants to be.  Relax and enjoy the relationship and stop worrying about everyone else.  Trust me, you - and everyone else - will end up happier that way.

    It sort of makes me feel old, like I ought to be waving my fist and yelling at those pesky kids to get off my lawn.  But I want to start treating these annoying couples like I used to treat my cats.  Each time I see an innappropriate public display of affection I just want to whip out my water bottle and spray them in the faces.  "Bad couple. Bad! No kissing/groping/clinging. No!"  Or maybe I could just sneak up behind them with a can filled with coins and shake it by their ears.   I suspect that wouldn't go over well.  There are probably rules against doing things like that.  It's really tempting, though.  But I guess that would be considered a public display of aggression, which probably isn't much better than the displays I'm trying to prevent.  So I'll do my best to fight the urge, for now at least.  But if one day you happen to notice a crazy woman spraying couples with a water bottle, or bopping their noses with a rolled up newspaper, come over and say "Hi".  It's probably me.

Happy New Year!

    I know, you see the title and you're thinking it's awfully late for me to be wishing everyone a happy new year.  It's already January 19 which means that the first month of 2010 is already more than half over.  But I'm considering today to be the real start of 2010.  That's because today is the day that life returns to "normal" for the Piratz family.  We've been traveling off and on throughout the holidays, and yesterday we got home from our last trip for a while.

    Since today is the first normal day we've had in a while, it's also the day we're starting to work on our resolutions for the year.  Maybe if I tell you mine, I'll feel more like I have to actually follow through with them.  So here they are:

*I will be more active this year.  I feel so much better when I stay active and when I'm in better shape, and this year I'm going to stop using my headaches as an excuse.  I'm going to make myself get out and be active, whether I want to or not.

*I will be more organized.  I have made progress with this one lately, but I still have a long way to go.

*I will be more social.  I am not a terribly social person.  I prefer to stay in the background as much as possible.  I have a really hard time making myself talk to people, especially those I don't know well.  In the last year I've tried to force myself to be more outgoing, and I've met some really great people as a result.  I still feel awkward and nervous around new people, but the more I make myself talk to them the easier it seems to get.   Hopefully someday it will start to feel more natural - and in the meantime, maybe I can at least get better at faking it!

*I will cook more.  I like to cook, but I don't do it much.  We tend to resort to takeout or going out to eat far too often.  This year I hope to make those the exceptions rather than the rule.

    So. . . we'll see how it goes.  I have a good feeling about this year.  It's been great so far!  I have so much to post about, and now that I think about it maybe that's one more resolution to add to my list.  I'll keep up with my blog more.   It's a good way for me to sort out my thoughts, and it's a good record of what I've been up to.  And maybe more than anything else, it's a great way for me to feel more accountable for following these resolutions.  If I can make myself be honest about my progress, at least, and I think I can.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a new lifestyle to work on.