Have a good Thanksgiving

This time of year always makes me nostalgic. This year, especially, I find myself thinking of old friends - partly because I'm starting to reconnect with some of them thanks to Myspace and Facebook. I had lost track of many of my friends from high school and college, and I'm glad to be getting back in touch with them again. (That means you, Jack!! )

One friend that I always think of at this time every year is Fred. In addition to being one of my best friends during high school and even during college, Fred was also my first boyfriend. We dated off and on throughout high school. In college we each moved on to other serious relationships but we stayed close friends. It was Fred who encouraged me to date Caradorn after I found out that Caradorn was divorced - I had always said I wouldn't get involved with someone who had been married, but Fred saw that I loved Caradorn and convinced me to give the relationship a chance.

I thought that Fred and I would be friends for the rest of our lives.

I still consider him a friend, but we don't talk anymore. We haven't for years. Fred's wife, Ann, doesn't like me . . . but of course I don't really blame her. As much as I like to say that Caradorn should keep in touch with all his old friends, I would probably be uncomfortable if he still had a close friendship with one of his exes. Still, if Fred and I had wanted to be together we wouldn't have been dating other people, so I hoped that eventually Ann would accept my presence in Fred's life. I hoped that eventually Ann and I would become friends. I hoped that Fred would refuse to cut me out of his life if Ann made him choose between us. I chose to end a relationship with a guy who objected to my friendships with Fred and a few other guys, and hoped that Fred would value our friendship enough to do the same if necessary.

And of course I was to blame, too - the nail in the coffin of our friendship, I think, was the fact that I didn't tell him I was getting married until after the fact. He knew I was engaged, but I didn't tell him when the wedding was because we were only having family there . . . he found out that Caradorn and I were married from a classmate that went to Caradorn's church. Not the right way for a friend to hear that kind of news!

It's been years since we had any contact, though I do see his parents occasionally. We were always better friends than "significant others" and I often wish we had never dated, because then maybe we would still be friends today. This time of year I always sort of wish that we could revive our friendship again. After all, Thanksgiving saved our relationship once before.

We had a volatile relationship in high school. We were constantly arguing and breaking up, only to get right back together again. After a particularly ugly breakup, we didn't speak for quite a while. I thought he owed me an apology and he thought I owed him one and neither of us would bend. It was just before Thanksgiving vacation, and I was lugging my stuff out of the band room after school, when we passed in the parking lot. And even though I am horribly stubborn most of the time, I just couldn't take the silence between us any longer and I missed him terribly and so as I passed him I said "Have a good Thanksgiving".

It wasn't much but apparently that was enough, because he called me a few days later and we were best friends - and dating - again. We still had our arguments, and of course we ended up breaking up for good, but for the most part we stayed friends for years after that.

It's been years since we spoke last, and I do still think of him. When I heard that the Ventures had been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame my first thought was that I had to tell Fred - they were one of his favorite groups. Every time I go see Aerosmith I think of him, because we used to go see them together. And every year when I hang my Snoopy ornaments on the tree I am reminded that he gave me my first one because I used to call him "Snoopy".

Caradorn only knew Fred for a little while, but he liked him. I think they would be good friends now if Fred and I had stayed friends. When I am reminded of him I often wonder if things would be different now if we had never dated. I would gladly give up having dated him if it meant we could have kept our friendship. I would much rather still have him as a friend.

So Fred - if you're out there. . . I hope you and your family are well, and happy. I hope that your life so far has turned out the way you wanted it to.

And I hope you have a good Thanksgiving.