Do I see a light up ahead?

    I think that maybe - hopefully - there might be a light at the end of this tunnel after all.  In the last day or two several things have happened that give me hope that maybe all this stress really is just temporary.

    It seems Caradorn's testing has finally gained momentum and there might be an end in sight after all.  I'm so happy that our schedule might be back to normal before too terribly long.  These testing periods are really important for his program, and I do understand why they have to do them,  but they are really hard on everybody - both at work and at home.  I think everyone on his program has a really short fuse at this point and it will be better for all of them when they are done with this round of tests.  I will certainly be happier when they are over!

    I've actually started sleeping again.  I'm still really tired, but I don't feel like I'm going to slip into a coma at any moment so that's an improvement at least.  Even though I still haven't been managing to get to bed early, I haven't been lying in bed for hours trying to fall asleep.  I fall asleep pretty quickly after my head hits the pillow - which is really unusual for me even when I'm not having trouble sleeping.  I'm feeling so much better than I was even a few days ago.  It's amazing what a difference it can make to your whole day when you don't feel like a zombie.

    The Kidd - who I don't discuss all that often on here - is having a really good year at school so far.  Last year was a little rough for him.  He kept "forgetting" to do his homework (or even to write the assignment down) and we had to be really vigilant about making him keep up with his work.  Even when he did do his work, he would often lose it before he got to class. This was especially upsetting because he's extremely smart and capable of easily getting straight As, and his grades were not reflecting that at all.  It seemed like he just didn't care about school.  It was a very frustrating year and I was worried that this year would be more of the same.  Thankfully he seems to be taking school much more seriously now. 

    We have all sorts of half finished projects around the house that have been driving me crazy.  We have so much to do, but not nearly enough time.  Somehow every project we start tends to get far more complicated than we expect it to and they all take ten times longer than we anticipate.  For quite a while now I've felt like we've been in a holding pattern - we never seem to make any progress because we are always dealing with unexpected problems that crop up. We had a brief bit of success with one of our kitchen projects a few weeks ago, but then several more things popped up that needed work and I started to get discouraged again.   Finally it seems like we really are starting to make progress.  We've actually finished a couple of things recently!  Even though we still have lots to do, it feels wonderful to be able to check some things off our list.

    We reserved a room for ConGaloosh yesterday. That's something we should have done as soon as we decided to attend the event, but somehow we kept putting it off.  I think I've been a little bit afraid that I'd jinx things if we got the room.  So many things could go wrong between now and then that would keep us from going!  I am glad that we finally have started making concrete plans, though.   We can't stop moving forward just because something might go wrong.

     We are even planning another trip during October.  I have decided to be brave and check out Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios this year, and I'm actually really excited about it.  It isn't the sort of thing that I usually do, but I've looked at the pictures for the last few years and the theming looks amazing.  I also want to go see "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" at the Mad Cow Theatre.    I've wanted to see this show for a while - I've heard good things about it.  The fact that one of our favorite actors ("Snoopy")  is in this production means that we will like one character even if we don't end up loving the whole thing.  I expect to like it anyway, though - everything I've heard makes it sound like something I would enjoy.

    And finally, some good and bad news.  Gigi's Cupcakes has finally opened a store in Rocket City.  We've been hooked on these cupcakes for a while now - we always get some when we visit the Nashville area.  I am glad that they are in Rocket City now, but that does sort of pose a problem for the big "lose weight/get in shape" program that we've been trying to follow.  It's hard to lose weight when you're constantly eating cupcakes!  But we've made a rule that we can only go to Gigi's once a week (except for special occasions!) and we can't eat them on a day when we haven't exercised.  And of course it helps than I usually can't eat more than half of one of their cupcakes at a time.  Those things are huge!  There is a Merry Margarita cupcake waiting for me in the kitchen, and I plan to enjoy it while we play 1 vs. 100 on XBox Live tonight.  I know - it's a wild and crazy start to the weekend, but I'm looking forward to it. 

   

    I'm looking forward to lots of things right now, which is a nice feeling.  Especially compared to the way I felt for the last few weeks.  Life seems full of potential again!  I was so tired of just seeing the darkness stretching out ahead.  It is wonderful to finally see the light again.

In cheerier news. . .

   It seems like all I've done lately is complain.  I am usually a happier person than I have seemed on here lately, but I haven't wanted to vent to Caradorn since he's not thrilled with work right now either and this has become my outlet.   I haven't been sitting around moping all the time, though.

   Last week we did manage to carve out enough time to go have fun together.  Of course the time had to come from somewhere - and a band parents meeting seemed like a great place to find some.  So to further dash my hopes of winning parent of the year any time soon, we skipped the meeting and went to a movie instead.

   I used to love Mystery Science Theater 3000 when it was on TV.  In recent years some of the folks involved have started doing something new.  It's called Rifftrax.  Now that they aren't on television they have branched out more.  They don't just do commentary for bad older movies anymore.  Now they cover all sorts of movies, including things like Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

   Last week there was a Rifftrax Live event in some theaters across the country.  It was a showing of "Plan 9 From Outer Space" with commentary by the guys from MST3K.  There was also a special musical guest: Jonathan Coulton!  It was broadcast from a theater in Nashville (and oh, how I wish I had known about it earlier so I could have tried to get tickets for that theater!).  Fortunately one of those theaters was here in Rocket City.  Caradorn and I debated and debated about whether to take The Kidd or not, but we finally decided we would.  We were hoping he wouldn't be scarred for life from the experience.  I was half afraid that Coulton would do "First of May", which I like but really don't want The Kidd to hear any time soon. (No, there's no reason he ought to play that at a sci-fi/outer space/zombie movie.  It wouldn't have made any sense for him to play it.  But I figured if we took The Kidd that he'd end up playing it anyway.  Fortunately he didn't; he played "The Future Soon" and "Re: Your Brains" instead.)

   It was great! We all really enjoyed it, and thankfully no one said anything that we would have felt guilty about exposing The Kidd to.  I am hoping that they will do this sort of thing again.  I think that tickets sold well, even here in Rocket City, so that's a good sign.  In the meantime I will be downloading more Rifftrax to listen to while we watch some of our DVDs.  It was so nice to just sit back and enjoy something and laugh and I think we could use more of that sort of thing.   Lots more.   There are lots of Rifftrax, and I think Caradorn and I need to work our way through all of them.  We'll even let The Kidd join us for some.

I am thankful, really. But. . .

   Let me preface this post by saying that I am truly thankful that Caradorn has a good job. . . especially lately, with all of the layoffs that have been occurring here in Rocket City.  I was horribly worried when it was announced that there would be layoffs on Caradorn's program, and incredibly relieved when he was informed that he is considered "crucial" to his project.  Yay!  It would be darn near impossible to support our family (and our Disney habit) on a teacher's salary, so it's important for Caradorn to have a good job in his field. And I really am thankful.  Very, very thankful.  Truly.

Have I said I am thankful?  I really am.

So I wouldn't want him to lose his job.  Or to quit.  Really, I wouldn't.

I really, really wouldn't.  Honestly.

But. . .

I hate his job so much right now that I could scream.

   His hours are usually great.  He has quite a bit of flexibility in his schedule most of the time and he can even use "Flex time" to take more vacations without using his vacation days.  It works out well for us most of the time.  But there are a few times throughout the year when they start testing his product.  I hate those times. He works ridiculous hours and spends the bulk of his time in another city during the testing process.  The testing goes on almost all day and all night, every day, including weekends, and someone from his group has to be there the whole time.  It usually only lasts a few weeks but this time is apparently more complicated because it has stretched into months at this point.  That's months of Caradorn being away most of the time including weekends.  He was supposed to be done before Labor Day, but now it appears that it's going to take even longer - which means he will likely be working that weekend.  That is especially upsetting to me since Labor Day weekend is supposed to be a Rock Band Weekend for us, when my sister and her husband visit and we all do nothing but eat stuff that's bad for us and play videogames (mainly Rock Band) for the whole weekend.

   I'm fed up.  Especially since I recently discovered that one of Caradorn's coworkers refuses to work weekends, which means the other group members have to work his share as well as their own.  He has also been leaving work when he's ready to leave and refusing to stay late if he is needed.  Apparently this is because he needs to spend time with his kids.  Well Caradorn needs to spend time with his kid, too. Caradorn finally said something the other day about being unhappy about possibly having to work Labor Day weekend, and Coworker actually said "Well, at least you might not have to work next weekend." Really, Coworker?!  You haven't worked any weekend.  I think it's your turn to work a few weekends.  In fact I think you need to work Labor Day weekend.  After, all, at least you didn't have to work last weekend. Or the one before that.  Or the one before that. . . I've always liked this coworker before this, but I hope I don't run into him anywhere while I'm still mad about this.  If I do it won't be pretty.  I am furious with him right now.

   I know the testing will be over soon.  I know that things will get back to normal before too long.  And in the meantime I do know how lucky we are that Caradorn has a good job.  But right now I have had enough of all this testing.  I'm tired of not knowing if it's safe to make plans for the family since I don't know when Caradorn will have time off.  I'm tired of having to cancel travel plans because Caradorn can't get away.  I'm tired of worrying about whether the testing will be over before we're supposed to go to ConGaloosh and what we will do if it isn't.  I'm tired of getting angry every time his boss calls or I hear his coworker's name. I'm tired of Caradorn being stuck in telecons and conference calls during the small amount of time he is home.  I'm just tired.  I've been in a terrible mood lately, and a large part of it is this stupid testing.  I want it to be over already.

   But I am thankful he has the job.  I really am.  I'll just be more thankful when he isn't devoting all his time to it.

Karma

I don't know if I really believe in the idea of karma. Far too often I have seen horrible things happen to good people, and wonderful things happen to horrible people. I love the idea that "Cheaters never prosper", but it seems that far too often, they do. Usually I can keep myself from dwelling on this kind of thing, but sometimes the thoughts of how unjust life can be get stuck in my head and I have trouble of thinking about anything else.

When I was in high school, someone I respected and cared about had his life almost ruined by false allegations against him. I knew the allegations weren't true, and so did most other people. That didn't matter in the end, though - he ended up settling with the person who was making the accusations and then he moved away to start a new life elsewhere. I still think about him, and I hope he ended up happy, wherever he went. Later, I learned that the woman had made similar allegations against several other people over the years - both before and after the incident I had known about. I believe she benefited greatly from settlements each time. Either this young woman was a perpetual victim with unbelievably bad luck or she was a scheming opportunist who enjoyed ruining people's lives. I know which one I think she was. I hope that wherever she is now she's living the kind of life she deserves.

This sort of thing always makes me furious. Far too often all it takes is a whisper of an allegation and the accused is immediately assumed to be guilty. No one cares about any possible evidence. Just look at the Duke case a few years ago. It didn't matter that there was plenty of evidence that showed that those boys probably were not guilty. As soon as they were accused they were considered Guilty, and nothing they could say or do was going to change that. Those boys' lives will never be the same, and all because someone made false allegations against them. Of course we know the truth now, but still they are remembered for that case and none of their other accomplishments. Many people still consider their accuser to be the victim, even though the boys were the real victims in that case.

I've heard so many stories lately about people who have been accused of things, and everyone assumes they are guilty despite a complete lack of evidence. I'd love to think that these stories were the exceptions, but instead it seems to me that they are the norm.

Don't get me wrong - I know there are bad people out there. I know that often, the allegations are true. But I hate the fact that with any sort of "sex crime", people are always assumed to be guilty until proven innocent. That's not how our society is supposed to work. I don't know what the answer is. Obviously we want the real victims to feel they can come forward. We don't want them to assume that they will be disbelieved when they tell their stories. On the other hand, simply being accused of a crime shouldn't ruin someone's reputation for the rest of his life, and too often now that's exactly what happens - even when the accused turns out to be innocent.

I would like to think that both possibilities would be considered when allegations are brought against someone: Maybe they are guilty. Maybe they are innocent. I would like to believe that sympathy would not always lie with the accuser. I would like to believe that it wouldn't come down to a "He said, she said" situation but that people would consider the evidence involved.

Mostly, I would like to believe in karma. I hope that those who are guilty end up suffering far more than those that they victimized, and that they get to experience more fear and pain than their victims felt. But I also hope that those who accuse others falsely will reap their own rewards. . . I hope that they suffer far more than they would have if their allegations had been true. I hope that they live in their own personal Hell for every day of the rest of their lives, and that eventually the rest of the world sees them for what they truly are. I hope that the day comes when no one will believe a word that they say, and they have to live with the knowledge that it's their own fault they have to live that way.

Could be worse.

The city tree people came by today and informed me they will be trimming a maple in my yard to keep it away from the power lines. Last time they really butchered it, so I am not pleased by this. In addition, they let me know that they intend to inject some sort of chemical into the ground by the tree to retard it's growth. I don't think I like that idea, either.

This afternoon The Kidd informed me that one of his new teachers had assigned him a project to do by tomorrow. I was sort of surprised, since it's just the second day of school. I was really surprised that she expects it to be turned in tomorrow. This is the sort of project that most teachers would allow at least two or three days to do. Still, I think it's good for The Kidd to learn to work under pressure so I wouldn't have said anything to him about finding it somewhat unreasonable. However. It turns out that this particular project requires lots of supplies that we don't normally have lying around the house (though after this I think I will try to keep some around) but more importantly they were not on the supply list. So this afternoon we were scrambling trying to get everything he needed. He did finish fairly quickly once he got the supplies, but I am not pleased that I had to go get all that stuff on such short notice. I really hope this isn't going to be a regular occurrence with this teacher, since most afternoons are much busier than today was.

And of course I still feel like a zombie. I have even cut out caffeine in the evenings and still I can't sleep until the wee hours of the morning. Since I have to be up by 6:00 to make sure The Kidd is getting ready for school, I am not getting a whole lot of quality sleep. I think I'm going to start running again tomorrow (I was taking a bit of a break) in the hopes that I will be so exhausted afterward that I'll be able to sleep.

But at least I am having a better day than the girl in this video. And my day is better after watching the video - I found it quite amusing. Especially since I know a few girls like this one.

Tired

Today has not been a good day. It has been one of those days where I would like to go back to bed and stay there - possibly forever. I've been really frustrated with several things and I am really irritated with a few people, and everything just feels like too much today.

In addition to all the other things that are going on, I am finally facing that fact that a few of my friends are really more like acquaintances at best these days. I know that people change and grow apart, but it still makes me a little bit sad to realize that these people with whom I share all kinds of memories aren't really a part of my life any longer and won't ever be again.

And on top of those things, I still am not sleeping much. I think I slept for 3 or 4 hours last night, but not for more than a half hour or so at a time. I am just so tired. . .and I've gotten overly emotional as a result. The other night I stayed up watching a sappy movie and crying over it. It was silly chick flick, and at one point I was totally sobbing over it. I was the only one awake and I was trying to be quiet, and I was just crying and watching this stupid movie that wasn't even that sad, but somehow it seemed like every scene was just heartbreaking. That's not like me at all, and I hate being this way.

I'm just. . . tired. And frustrated. And angry. And fed up. And I want to just scream at someone or throw things or something. And that isn't like me, either. I am hoping that once I finally start sleeping well again that my outlook will improve and I'll feel more like myself. But of course the things that are bothering me today will still be around then. Maybe by then I'll be better equipped to deal with them.

Antici. . .pation

As you may remember if you read my blog while I was over on Myspace, I was a huge fan of the Adventurers Club at Walt Disney World until it closed last September. Caradorn and I used to go there as often as we possibly could, and when the closure was announced we tried desperately to convince the idiots who decided to close it to change their minds. Sadly we were unsuccessful, though the Club still stands in Orlando and could be reopened tomorrow if the folks in charge came to their senses. Rumor has it that the building will be removed sometime in October - but I try not to think about that since it breaks my heart to know that it will be gone for good after that. They could still decide to bring it back in another location sometime in the future, though. (And hopefully not just in China, where they are supposedly going to open an Adventurers Club restaurant.) Maybe we'll be able to go Adventuring in a new Adventurers Club someday. We do have one last Adventure to look forward to in Orlando and I am really excited about it.

It's less than two months now until ConGaloosh, the Adventurers Club convention that Caradorn and I are going to. We've really missed the Club over the last ten months and are looking forward to seeing the fans and cast members again in September. And of course I am most looking forward to the evening that we will be spending in the Club itself. There will be a couple of Library shows that night, and I am really looking forward to seeing who will be playing the different characters. There are so many cast members that we would love to see again at the Club, and not enough roles for all of them, so I know we won't see everyone we would like to see.

One of my very favorite cast members is in a musical at another Orlando theater during September, which I am afraid probably means he won't be appearing during ConGaloosh. His Hathaway was always my favorite, and I loved his Fletcher Hodges and Emil Bleehall as well - I had hoped to see one of them at the Club while we were there. We do plan to go see his musical while we are in Orlando, but a visit to the Club just won't be the same without Snoopy there. We do love seeing him performing elsewhere, though, and I'm glad we'll get to see him during the ConGaloosh trip even if he isn't at the Club. He is always fun to watch in any role, and I've never seen the musical that he's going to be appearing in, so I am looking forward to seeing it. I'd rather see him at the Club and in the musical, though!

I'm fairly certain that my other favorite performer from the Club will be there that night, and I've even heard a rumor that he'll be wearing leather. I love Blondie as Hathaway, so I would be thrilled if he was playing that role during ConGaloosh. Of course I also love him as Otis, so I'd be quite happy with that as well. And he's great as Emil, and Fletcher and even Graves for that matter, so as long as he's at the Club I'll be happy no matter what role he's in.


Whoever ends up appearing at the Club, I'm sure I will be happy to see them again. For now, I am enjoying trying to guess who will be in which role. Looking forward to an evening at the Club is almost as much fun as actually being there, and I am enjoying all the anticipation leading up to ConGaloosh.