Smarter than the average zombie

I am so tired. I literally do not think I have ever been this tired before. Also, I don't seem to be able to think clearly any longer. I don't know if it's a result of the massive, energy-zapping home-improvement kick I was on for the last few days, or if it's because I am now the parent of a teenager and this is how that feels, but I am exhausted.

Actually, I do think I know what's going on here. I think I died. Maybe it was that huge cabinet that fell on me the other day or maybe it was just a lack of sleep that did it. Or maybe someone killed me during the brief time when I did manage to sleep last night. I guess it doesn't really matter too much what killed me since the end result is the same - I'm dead. Given the way I feel right now I'm not sure I would complain much if I was snuggled into a cozy little coffin six feet under (as long as I had blankets and a TV, and maybe snacks), but I am not. Unfortunately, someone seems to have turned me into a zombie.

No, I don't have a craving for nice fresh brains. I'm not some silly video game zombie (Or a Jonathan Coulton zombie for that matter). Nor am I a horror movie zombie, so you can just put that chainsaw away.

No, I think I am a real zombie - one of those dead people that doesn't know she's dead but instead staggers around trying to complete some task. But I have figured it out, hence the "smarter than the average zombie" part. I'm really stiff and achey - I think it's the rigor-mortis kicking in. I don't seem to be too focused on any one particular task, though, so whoever did this doesn't seem to have done a very good job.

I don't know why someone would have done this to me. It makes me sad. If there was something they wanted me to do, they should have just asked me. They didn't need to do something this drastic.

Anyway, I'm off to try to find a cure now. And maybe get dinner while I'm at it. I'm thinking burgers. Or pizza. Or maybe something I haven't tried before. I might be in the mood to be more adventurous today. I know! I've never tried sweetbreads before. . .